I have a confession: I watch silly videos on Youtube for entertainment. Like PewDiePie's vlogs. And today I was watching one while brushing my teeth... I heard him ask Marzia, his girlfriend,
"Is this all you ever wanted?"
And she replied yes. Of course. Of all things I was inspired to write this blog post by a vlog he was in. Just sometimes, there is brilliance in the goofiness. Because that sentence stood out to me (usually I just want the white noise while I'm doing mundane life tasks), and I asked myself if the life I was living now was all I ever wanted. And my answer surprised myself. It was a big, resounding yes as well.
Things aren't perfect - in fact, they're far from it. Our calculator still goes with us wherever we go, because everything about renovating a bare home is about money. I have no time for many, many things that I want to put my heart into. And sometimes, just sometimes, when the people all around me tries to "remind" me of my "wrong" decision to buy a small apartment instead of the biggest one we can afford... I start to doubt myself and my decisions. When someone else tries to copy the design I've had in my mind for years for my own house, I start to get unhappy and frustrated.
Here comes the but... And buts are the most beautiful words ever.
But at the end of it all, is this all I ever wanted?
I am not trying to console myself and say that small can be beautiful, too, even though I totally agree with that. There's nothing wrong with being either big or small. [inlinetweet prefix="" tweeter="thepetiteco" suffix=""]The difference is not trying to embrace it, but rather, truly falling in love with what you wanted, and what you got.[/inlinetweet] It takes other people (mostly well-intentioned) to make you feel like you want more. The truth is, I love my little house. Could I have done something more with a bigger house? Yes. Might I miss out on potential earnings? Maybe. But do I love my little house to bits and pieces? Yes.
When I sit down in the quiet, or when I am in the shower, with nothing but just me and the sounds of water... I find myself smiling when I think about how we're going to fill the house with genuine pieces of ourselves. I find myself planning our next vacation so that we can have the memories to talk about in time to come. [inlinetweet prefix="" tweeter="thepetiteco" suffix=""]I find myself finally understanding myself... That all I ever wanted was less.[/inlinetweet]
All I ever wanted was what I started out wanting, and what I got.
Sometimes we forget to see that what we got (in my instance, a small house and a small business) was what we wanted in the first place. Somewhere along the way, we got infused with another person's opinion to need to have more. To have bigger. But when you go back to your first decision - to start that business; to buy that house; to write that blog post... - it was always smaller. And simpler. And joyful.
You didn't need more then. You didn't need bigger then. And you don't need it now.
We bought the tiny apartment because we wanted the freedom to retire early. To travel freely and frequently. To enjoy the finer things in life without compromising on other things. To truly have a place of our own. To not be bogged down by debt. And we did just that.
I'm not perfect. Sometimes I look at all these reasons, and I think, then why do I feel like this now? And you already know the answer. We let someone else's wants get into our way. Our legacies are unique, and their "less" could be my "more."
[inlinetweet prefix="" tweeter="thepetiteco" suffix=""]Your less is more than enough for you. Your less is most likely beautiful. Your less would make you more joyful than you ever thought you could be with more.[/inlinetweet]
So drop that six-/seven-/eight-figure goal for your business, if that wasn't why you started the business in the first place. Drop that humongous mansion you circled in the ads if it wasn't on your inspiration board. Because you already have what you want, mostly, and it is more than enough for you. And you can feel yourself getting a whole lot lighter, knowing that you already got what you started out to have. Or what you wanted was a whole lot closer than you thought.