Working on so many things this Summer has definitely taken a toll on me. Adding The Petite Co. to the list really tipped me over the edge and I had a little internal meltdown two days ago. Internal. I used to always meltdown on the outside. Don't get me wrong, I still do. The most recent even was just before I launched Petite Paper Co. and good ol' fear and stress washed over me and I just broke down. Cried a hell lot, argued with my hubby ( who unfortunately will get on my nerves during vulnerable times... We've all been there, right? Or is it just me? ), self-doubted, wanted to bolt and get a 9 - 6, shook my head and chose to see the dark side... It was horrible.
But this time, I chose to take it easier on the people around me. I internalized the craziness... I can't tell you now, right off the bat, whether it was a good or bad thing. I can't even use "was" because I am in fact, still feeling the effects right about now. But I didn't want to leave the blog empty ( I do have some good posts coming up, but I thought sharing more about myself was a big part of starting the blog too, so I winged it ) and I didn't want to continue in inaction.
Remember? Action breeds momentum. Inaction breeds... many bad things.
Inaction is a scary, sneaky little thing. Inaction leads to laziness ( duh ), self-doubt, more fear and more inaction. It is a horrible place to be in.
So write I shall. Because this can only bring momentum. And this can never be bad.
I didn't really tell or talk to anyone about this. Because I didn't really feel the fear so much, this time round. It was more of exhaustion. Weariness. And being blown off course, big time.
I think all creatives can relate with this. Sometimes, on "good" days, our brains spiral out of control. We have all these marvellous ideas that we see so much potential in and we are dying to execute. And being a creative and a Type-A ( I also recently discovered that I am an INFJ, which is a complex mix of dreamer and doer ), I want everything done. Perfectly. Now.
Yes, I know, I know that it is impossible. In fact, I have not yet deemed something I designed perfect. We are all too hard on ourselves. Leading to burn outs... And eventual, internal, meltdowns. Guilty as charged.
Somewhere along the way, with the long to-do list with huge jobs -- think building a new brand + site for myself, for three clients, managing new marketing / promotional campaigns, trying to maintain a fitness regime, churning out paper goods for my Etsy store, and preparing a Bible study session and freebie but goodie for the blog... -- I think, I am about to die. I am about to wring myself so freakin' dry.
Then... Intentional inaction. Stopping all these madness and choosing not to touch anything on that darn list.
I stopped for about four days ( including today ) and decided I'm not going to do it anymore. In the four days, I did still do some research and collect information and read business-coaching material ( can't take that away from me... ), but I mostly stayed in bed or on the couch ( !! ) watching entertaining shows on Youtube. And basically be HAPPY and stop having ten thousand things spinning around in my head.
Today I tried to start working on a big job, and it was a 50% failure. I am not yet ready. My soul, my brain is not yet ready. A few more days. And then God on Sunday. Make it all better.
I'd rather do it right, do it good, in the right state of mind, with a healthy, happy, disposition, then force out something that's not only uncreative, but that does not inspire and does not bring out the best in me.
Got off my butt enough to design a simple wallpaper to remind anyone out there that was blown off course big time, like me this week, that hey, you don't have to do it all now. Success will come. Happiness is already here. Seize the freakin' good day and don't ever forget you do this to do what you love.
Ending off with this bonus freebie and two amazing verses that I absolutely adore and that should always be on my heart.
Nevertheless, not as I will, but as YOU will. -- Matthew 26:39
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. -- 1 Corinthians 13:2
Lord, I pray that let everything I do, everything I create, everything I want, be out of LOVE and REST. For without love, I am NOTHING. I can do NOTHING. And I can inspire NO ONE.