I mentioned many times last month and this month that I've been feeling rather bleh because of a lot of unfortunate things that have happened, but also because of the sudden growth my business is seeing that is forcing me to step up to the plate and really get into the dirty work of being an entrepreneur. And I've been battling with a lot of emotions these past two months... So I just wanted to share with all the other legacy entrepreneurs out there, even though this isn't a "how to" blog post, I feel that it would be equally useful for you.
Many things have been happening under the surface and everything came crashing down, causing me to feel a lot of self-doubt, unworthiness and constantly feeling not good enough. I just felt like I wouldn't be able to cope with the workload, felt guilt when I received money from my clients fast and honestly, it was bad. So bad that I didn't even want to turn up for work. The table that I used to love working on every morning became my enemy overnight. I just wanted to give it all up because it all got too much.
And it spiralled and kept going in a vicious cycle because I was so hard on myself. I felt crap that I felt this way. I felt like a failure. I felt like I would never amount to anything.
That's when I forced myself to come to a crossroads, and told myself to decide. Choose whether I want to give this all up and go get a job, or suck it up and find a way to deal with things, and rise to the occasion. After I managed to make the decision (of course I chose the latter), I embraced my feelings, accepted them and forgave myself.
You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to be human. Being an entrepreneur doesn't mean being a superhero 24/7.
I kept telling myself that, and eventually, it sunk in. I should not feel guilt and shame over how I felt, instead, I should learn how to embrace those feelings, absorb them and overcome them to become better. Some days it is okay to feel down, no one expects you to be bubbly and upbeat all of the time, but you must remember that whilst it is okay to feel that, your end goal should be to accept and forgive yourself, not to spiral into the black hole of self-reprimand.
We are often the hardest on ourselves, and I find that that's even more so for entrepreneurs. And sometimes, that's a good thing, because those high standards propel us to create better things, to come up with new ideas, to push ourselves over our comfort zone and truly stand out and impact lives. But we must also learn to control these self-judgement, and not allow it to overflow and take over our minds.
It takes practice. But most of all, it takes acceptance and forgiveness. Being able to accept the feelings and forgive yourself for having them is the first step to being human.
I took a few days away from the computer. And while everything is not solved yet (honestly, some things simply cannot be rushed), I am at much more peace than I was before.
Just a shorter SBH this month to remind you that you are human. That's the beauty of your legacy. Embrace, accept and forgive.
Have a wonderful week, my loves.